Ancestor to Colonel Blimp, Sir Blandford Candy is an irascible old drunk with a hatred of poets and a love of hats. After an argument with his new neighbour Alexander Pope, he looks back on his life and the start of the Civil War.

Young Blandford sets off for London following a failed romance with his brother’s fiancee and his blackmailing sister’s threats. He joins the army to fight the King, taking part in the battles of Edgehill and Turnham Green.

As he bounces from the battlefield to the bedroom, Blandford unmasks Cavalier plots, earns the enmity of the King’s agents and uncovers an attempt to steal thousands. All whilst dealing with murderous brothers, scheming sisters and puritan displeasure.